Kink 糾結

So let's talk about Christianity.

Note: Really! No offence! Request for personal safety after this.

It's possible that, because of where I come from, I might have a fear of religion.

Either that or the fear of being targeted just because of not believing in one.

Top that with the news we saw, see, and will still be seeing about the relationship between a particularly strong nation and the Middle-East. Oh, let's not forget the terrorist bombings and the war and what-not.

And the part where extreme devotees like to preach whenever, wherever and whomever they meet really chills me to the bones.

I guess those are roughly where the fear comes from.

Scratch that. Fear might not be the right word. I know religion is for the good intentions of mankind.

But an overdose of its teachings would really hurt.

Especially when believers take them out of context.

Especially when believers take a stand for their opinions under the name of God (whichever God), of which such behavior usually leads to hate crimes. For example, "God hates _______ so we must banish ________". 

Or that when discussing a social issue, there is the excuse that "It's unnatural because God says so, so we shouldn't do it." FYI, birth control is unnatural, so what else do you have to say?

Or the heated debate between or among different religions who insist that their God is the only God. Personally, I think this is a waste of time and energy and brain cells, because has anyone heard of freedom of religion? Or in a simpler sense, "you don't bug me, I don't bug you?" 

This headache about the study and controversy of religion within myself started when:

1 The christening of my idol about two years ago.

2 My approach to literature of the Bible during my first year of double major in English.

So each time the name Jesus is pronounced (by whomever), I get a kink. 

The teachings I read in the Bible are interesting; the posts shared by my idol are are so true and meaningful as well. Maybe throughout the year, I have been thrown at too many times by the knowhow of Christianity, either in English or Sociology classes, from time to time that I might have gotten a little sick of it. I know my professors do it for the sake of knowledge and appreciation, and representatives of the Christian community do it out of love, but personally I have had enough of this approach. The mentioning of Jesus everywhere really got on my nerves, (OS: As if He is the only right path and that all else are fools) and during one session of Classical Selections of Art I nearly hit the table when the professor mentioned Jesus and the Last Judgment. 

And let's not forget Dies Irae!

I also have an unresolved contradiction where, in the Bible, women are subjected to men (because Eve is created from Adam's rib and such). So this sense of gender inequality really fires me up. I'll be glad if someone enlightens me on that.

I used to mingle about God's saying to "be fruitful and multiply", and I used to interpret that as "get married and have children OR ELSE". So that really scared me at some point. Luckily a fellow Christian friend told me that, yes God says so but people can think for themselves! I was relieved. (whew!)

So if people can think for themselves, why do so many just take something from the Bible out of context? And what's with all the hatred still going on out there that just seems irrational is religion is all about love and morals and doing the right thing? And I don't think that just because one has sinned and confessed to the Father means it's okay to repeat the same mistake (and confess again). If so, what's the meaning of confession in the first place???

On a lighter tone, if there really is a God out there, I thank Him. Why? In an unrelated note, for guiding my idol to the light. And for allowing me the chance to get to know Him. But I wouldn't want to get to know Him that much.

There is a particular section in the Bible section of my literature class that struck my attention. St. Augustine's Confessions. I even wrote a report on that, although I don't think the professor commented on that as much as my other one. It's interesting the way he relates himself to God and even though he only realizes God after his twenties (or was it his thirties?) he can still make connections between God and his early life. Especially the pear tree incident, where he accounts in great detail about sin. He does it not because of the pear (for it is not that special) and not because of his friends but because of the stealing itself. It was exciting for him, because it is wrong and he couldn't resist the temptation.

And there are several other episodes in St. Augustine's lifetime written in black and white that are just as interesting, but the one part where he gets to know God after flipping to a particular page of the Bible and assuming that this is what God wants him to know, leaves me with question marks.

Has anyone heard of coincidences? I wouldn't pinpoint that everything that happens to someone is because God did it, because people can get lucky and unlucky, or that one really worked hard (or not) to gain (or lose) something. So before thanking God after surviving an accident, why not thank the one who saved you first?

I don't believe in any god, but I don't doubt what everyone else believes. There's no proven right or wrong. In fact, if the only one in power of judging is God (whichever God), who are we to judge?

Oh yeah, please don't point a finger at atheists, who are minorities. What did we do, besides not believing?

A "brother" of mine said that God is interested in me, for He has been passing by me too many times for so long. And you know what, I think so too.

Am I being hypocritical in this post?

Again, I ask for my safety.